By Charlene L. //
My recovery journey has had its ups and downs. I first started hearing “voices” and having severe delusions at the age of 12. As the year went on, my delusion got worse and I could not differentiate between reality and delusion. And as a result, I attempted suicide by overdosing.
What does recovery mean to me? To many, recovery means not having relapse anymore. However in my opinion, little things we do are considered as part of the recovery journey. I attempt to improve myself every day. Even if it is just a minor thing like practising on the piano for five minutes, it is already considered an improvement to me. We should be grateful that we are making improvements each day to bring hope and positive vibes.
Many may think patients with schizophrenia are violent. It is a myth. They face episodes such as delusions and hallucinations. For me, I faced delusions, auditory and visual hallucinations. To cope with this, I was given medication.
// Different medication works differently for different people. Therefore what I might have experienced may not be the same for you. //
I was first prescribed with Risperidone for schizophrenia. Upon taking Risperidone, I faced side effects such as neck stiffness and was not able to move my head. Olanzapine was the second medication that I was prescribed with; the side effect was the swelling of my legs. Haloperidol was then prescribed to me; I was unable to urinate. Finally, with the adjustment of my medications by my doctor. Clozapine settled me down. However, it causes weight gain and I have to do a blood test every three months as Clozapine causes reduction in white blood cells, which can be life threatening.
Not only do I face the side effects of medication, enrolling to a school was also a problem for me. I dropped out of polytechnic at the age of 18 as I had a severe relapse. After which, I was unsuccessful when Ito applied for courses in social work and then biomedical sciences. After many attempts, I went on to apply for part-time courses in Medical Laboratory and Pharmaceutical Science and Care and to my surprise, Pharmaceutical Science and Care and Programme courses actually accepted me! After weighing the pros and cons of these two courses, I decided to pursue a part-time Diploma in Pharmaceutical Science as I would love to share my drug knowledge with my peers and understand my own condition better.
There are many people whom I am thankful for.
Firstly, my doctor who always emphasized the importance of taking my medication regularly. Even though she is very strict, she is so supportive in my recovery journey and I am grateful to have her.
Secondly, to my two case managers. I cannot overemphasize how they have encouraged me and been there for me. They would often drop me a heartfelt letter or involve me in doing crafts like preparing for the upcoming Early Psychosis Early Intervention (EPIP) Day. They would often meet up with me to catch up, and send me encouraging quotes.
Thirdly, my friends who always take the time to text or call me. Not only have I made friends in school, I also made friends with people from IMH. We would always do activities together such as baking, cooking, going for a swim, doing muay thai, etc.
Next, I’m thankful to my psychologist, for finding resourceful things to help me keep going.
And last but not least, my family, who try means and ways to do what they can to help me. My brother would occasionally ask me if I am doing okay. This makes me feel loved.
// It is possible to lead a full life and manage one’s conditions. //
Some things that I do to help get over with the voices is to read medical books to keep myself occupied. Sometimes when things get too much, I vent by burying my face in my pillow and screaming, or befriending the voices. I strongly believe few people would understand what the latter means. Basically, whenever I hear voices, I will respond to the voices (of course not in public places). Even if we are outside and when we hear voices, we can talk back to the voices by whispering to “them”, asking them to be patient with you. Doing something you like when you hear voices is also something to get over with the voices.
After having gone through so much, there are four jobs that I would like to explore in the near future – music therapist, piano teacher, TCM practitioner or a pharmacist. I would like to reach out to people with my strengths and interest in science and music.
// You are never alone throughout this recovery journey.//
I’ve learnt that embracing positive values in our lives is very important as it keep us going.
Thank you for your time to read my recovery journey.
Charlene is a student studying a Diploma in Pharmaceutical Science at Republic Polytechnic. In her spare time, she enjoys playing musical instruments, baking and volunteering.
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