By Khai //
My name is Khai and I’m no stranger to mental illness. When I was just 10 years old, my mum was diagnosed with bipolar and it was tough growing up when roles are reversed, with you having to take care of your mum instead. As I was growing up, my mum has relapsed 3 different times. Each time she had to undergo electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) just so she could return to a normal functioning life.
While she has managed to recover, the multiple ECTs have cost her and our family dearly as many precious memories (like my eldest sister’s wedding), and her ability to live independently has been lost, as she’s lost a few basic cognitive functions together with her confidence.
Despite being with a family member that suffered from mental illness for a long time, I never truly understood its terror and pain until I went through a bout of it myself. While I’m not bipolar like my mum, I grew up with clinical ADHD. Being able to focus was never my forte and my academic results suffered terribly. It was only thanks to proper medication that I managed to pull myself together.
However, that wasn’t the end of things. As I grew older, while the ADHD was being managed properly, my anxiety grew and then shot through the roof when I entered the workforce.
At the beginning, I didn’t understand what was going on. It was when suicidal thoughts started coming through that I understood I had to get help.
However, the medication prescribed and its relevant dosages weren’t sufficient. I suffered a relapse at the beginning of this year. According to my wife and family, I blanked out and very nearly took my own life. I’m very lucky today to be still here as EMTs have told my dad that if the wound across my arm had been any deeper, I might have died.
Singapore is still very far behind in efforts to help and deal with mental illness.
Mental illness doesn’t discriminate, so why should we is truly a brilliant slogan and I hope this story helps shed some light on managing such issues.
Khai is passionate about mental health advocacy and believes in the life-changing power of personal stories.
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