By Heather //
Personal self-care, including proper taking of medication, is important.
2015 was one of the worst years of my life. I was recovering from schizophrenia, and was on Risperidone, a prescribed medication used to manage the condition. Everything was going well until I left a job because of stress. In my confused thinking, where my mind was muddled, I thought I could eat less medicine and try to live with the symptoms.
The doctor agreed that I could try it out but with careful monitoring. And try I did. But I got worse. He then advised me to increase my dosage. But in my condition at that point, I could not discern what was best for me. So I ignored his advice and eventually got worse.
The symptoms I experienced were hallucinations – colourful images of people and my body. They came back slowly and gradually. Then later on, I found it harder to concentrate. But I seemed blind to all these changes. I just really wanted to reduce my dosage, because it made me feel more “natural”: I felt more in touch with my physical self; I could feel the difference in the time of the day, for example, like noon and dusk.
It got to a point where on one stormy day, while my mum and I were at the seaside, I confessed to her that I could not focus, and my mind was blank, and I could do very little.
We went to see the doctor again and he increased the dosage. Sadly, things were never the same again.
My mind was at an optimal condition before I reduced the dosage; my condition was stable. My mind had clarity and focus. It was too late. With the increased dose now, I was still feeling physically disconnected and weak, and had many hallucinations, though I could still focus on doing daily things. Later on, when I changed doctors, all my medication changed as well. This resulted in me not only becoming physically weaker, but also caused a new problem: obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
One year on, I still struggle with OCD. The current medicine does not seem to be working, though I am physically stronger. I still cannot handle many stresses in life
The lesson learnt I learnt from this is that we should always exercise caution and self-care when we are mentally ill, which includes eating our medicine, and in the right way.
When we are ill, sometimes we may be unaware that we are not eating our medicine well.
Therefore, it is important to listen to feedback from our counsellor, doctor, family members, and work closely alongside people from the mental health support system. I attend a programme by SAMH called Illness Management and Recovery, where I learnt how to cope with the illness.
I pray and hope that you will eat your medicine well. It is such a key component of our recovery.
Heather was diagnosed with mental illness since 2011 and writes to inspire people. Besides writing and reading, she also has a passion for the arts and acted in Jack Neo’s movies before.
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Image Credit: Provided by author