By Nicole K. //
Whenever I read about suicide on social media, I am morbidly drawn to the comments section. Invariably, the comments consist mostly of condolences for the family; condemnation of the person who attempted suicide or died, saying they were selfish, weak and an inconvenience; and complaints that the government ought to have done more.
On the bright side, there is also a growing trend of compassion in these threads: individuals who express sorrow and grief for the loss of lives; who send their love, strength and prayers to those affected; and who urge others to seek help early.
As someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts, I often find these comments bittersweet. If only these kind words had reached the person before they felt the need to kill themselves.
I also can’t help but wonder: why do we feel a need to blame someone whenever tragedy strikes? Who is responsible for our mental well-being anyway?
Mental well-being and suicide prevention, in sectoral lingo, consists of an interaction between people, practice, and policy. It is about ensuring that professional care is accessible and affordable, deploying skilled and empathetic practitioners, and having friends, neighbours, colleagues and family members that are well-informed on mental health. Each component interacts with the other.
In other words, we all have a part to play in looking after each other, including ourselves.
There is plenty we can do to prevent suicide. Here are some things that others have done to help me in my time of need:
- Get in touch. It doesn’t have to be a “how are you” or an extended meet up each time. It can simply be sending over a silly video, an inspirational quote, or just a line that lets us know you’re thinking of us.
- Listen and validate our feelings. Sometimes we just want someone to reassure us that what we are going through is tough and we have a right to feel a certain way. So try to avoid phrases like “it’s not that bad”, “you’ll be fine”, “others have it worse”.
- Gently prompt us to get help or offer to accompany us when we see a professional.
- Remove objects that might be harmful, such as sharp items and medication.
- Have emergency numbers on standby: like 995, the 24/7 hotline Samaritans of Singapore, or the A&E number of the nearest hospital. More help options can be found here.
And for those who struggle like I do: Suicide is a permanent decision. And I know it is difficult to hold on because of the pain. If you can, hold on for five minutes, an hour, a day. This is a fight for your life and you deserve to live. You are not a burden. You are loved and you don’t have to go at it alone.
Nicole K. is the founder and editor of The Tapestry Project SG. She aspires to bridge the knowledge and empathy gap through first-person narratives and hopes that one day no one will ever need to apologize for their health or justify the help for which they seek.