After a Suicide Attempt, a Stuffed Bear Helped Renew a Sense of Purpose

By Marcus Lim //

The modern workplace can be rewarding, but the increased pressure to get results and to work late, has led to more burnout.

Enoch Li, 39, a Hong Kong social entrepreneur, strongly believes that more needs to be done to preserve the mental health of workers. She founded Bearapy with the mission of promoting emotional resilience and mental wellbeing in the workplace.

After all, Li is intimately familiar with the triumphs and hardships that come from occupational success.

Today, Bearapy, a combination of  the words ‘bear’ and ‘therapy,’ continues to raise awareness of mental wellness to businesses in the Asia Pacific region, with the mission to reduce burnout by helping workers engage with their inner playfulness, whilst having frank discussions about depression, a subject that continues to be taboo in the region.

Li has also published a book chronicling her experience with depression titled Stress in the City: Playing my Way out of Depression.

Li spoke to The Tapestry Project over Zoom about her experiences with burnout, depression, starting Bearapy, getting an Executive Masters degree in Change from INSEAD, and her recovery.

The answers were condensed for clarity.

What was the inspiration behind the name “Bearapy”?

Bearapy is a term that my husband coined. Bearapy is my professional identity and my road to recovery. If it wasn’t for my burnout, I wouldn’t have Bearapy. 10 years ago, when I had severe depression, I attempted to take my own life.

That winter, I hadn’t left the apartment in weeks. I was no longer eating or sleeping. I was desperate and questioned the point of life.

My husband, Tim, managed to drag me to a nearby shopping mall.

We passed a toy store in the shopping center and my husband saw something which he hadn’t seen for weeks, my smile. I was smiling at a bear. He said he was going to buy the bear, because it made me smile.

When we got home, he asked me to name the bear. I named him Floppie, because he flopped around and watched TV.

Bearapy started as a blog between my bears. I traveled with them, took pictures of them, and gave them back stories. They were a distraction, a momentary relief.

Bearapy integrated play therapy and psychology, and evolved into the business it is today, a social enterprise that empowers workplace mental health through play. It’s not the traditional way of approaching mental health in the workplace but, we wanted people to connect to their inner child.

Why is mental health empowerment important to you?

There’s a knowledge gap between those with are aware of mental health issues and those who aren’t.

When I went through depression and someone once told me, “go for a walk,” or “it will get better tomorrow,” I wanted to strangle them. If I could even muster up enough energy to go for a walk, I would.

But I also contributed to the stigma. When I had depression, I thought I was a complete failure, I had all this education, an international career, a good-looking boyfriend (he’s a bit wrinkly now), how could I be depressed? I berated myself, what a spoilt and ungrateful little kid I was.

I am not necessarily here to prevent this from happening to others but to equip them with the tools and skills to cope with it.

Could you recall the events leading up to 2009?

First, I want to emphasis that this was not just ‘normal’ work stress.

After graduation I joined the bank on an international contract. I traveled to London, Paris, then Tokyo. I mean cool life right, why am I depressed?

I took work to the extreme, I couldn’t switch my mind off. That was the start of the anxiety, my identity was tied to my job and any negative thing affected me disproportionately. I wasn’t taking care of myself, it wasn’t a healthy lifestyle.

I liked my job, I liked my colleagues, but did it give me purpose? If not, what was my purpose? I was starting to wither away. There was a conflict, Enoch needs to be like this, but who really is Enoch inside? That cognitive split became more and more apparent and when the depression happened, it manifested physically, I got severe migraines where I would throw up and blackout. I even fainted in the office.

There were points I was in the ER and continued to check emails on my Blackberry. When I was diagnosed with depression, I asked when I could go back to work.

When did you notice signs of recovery?

It took a long time to get back in my element. Throughout the decade, I continued to have depressive episodes, but I was more equipped to deal with them. It is a back and forth journey, not the straight line that I thought it would be.

From September to December last year, I had the worst episode since 2009. I was suicidal and considered going back on medication.

Each time depression comes to me, it seems like an old friend. You are back to visit, what are you trying to tell me?

What are some recovery tips?

The combination of medication. I was on medication for over two years, and therapy built a good foundation to continue my soul searching. Writing is considered quite therapeutic and my blog, Noch Noch, really helped me.

The writing, the bears, the soul-searching and integration of myself all helped me heal. I also explored Chinese medicine and acupuncture. I quite like the idea of Chinese medicine and viewing the body as an ecosystem.

In your opinion, has there been a shift in attitudes towards mental health?

I think the perception has changed a lot. Six or seven years ago I would offer to do talks for free. I once did a talk in a spa in Beijing and only three people attended. Last year I did a panel and over 130 people came. Now we can talk about mental health.

What is your goal moving forward?

I want to change the perception of mental health in the workplace and its role in our working culture.

My message is about coping with life when you are unhappy and being open to discussing difficult topics. The idea of happiness as a goal is a bit overrated, it distracts people and forces the idea that we must be happy with what we’ve got.

Asia is now more open to discussing mental health, there is curiosity. It dabbles into the topic but it’s not entirely receiving it with open arms. But it’s getting better.

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Enoch Li is the founder of Bearapy, a social enterprise that promotes workplace mental health. She is currently based in Beijing.

Read our previous Tapestry interview piece with artist Yen Phang here.