by Sarah //
“Who am I?”
Most of us have probably confronted this question at some point in our lives. Our identity can be a tricky, confusing, even scary aspect of living that we all have to deal with. However, before we delve into the conundrum of figuring out our own identity, what does ‘identity’ mean?
What is identity?
Identity encompasses the values, beliefs, personality traits, memories and experiences that we perceive to define us. Together, these constitute a steady sense of who we are over time, even as our identity continues to develop and grow.
The facets that make up our identity can range from external characteristics we have little control over (e.g. race, socioeconomic class) to ones we choose (e.g. moral attitudes, religion, political opinions). Our identity can also draw on the multiple roles we occupy and relationships we cultivate, such as child, parent, friend, partner or colleague. These roles hold meanings and expectations that we may internalise into our personal identity.
Why is our identity important?
Our sense of identity guides us in interacting with the world. A stable sense of identity can lessen confusion and anxiety, direct our choices, and bolster our self-esteem. Knowing who we are allows us to live purposefully, authentically and satisfyingly.
Being certain of our identity can protect us against threats to our self-perception and self-confidence, allowing us to bounce back when we face criticism. If we know ourselves better, we can better recognise our self-worth and accept our whole selves – both the aspects we are proud of and the ones we want to change.
Am I having an identity crisis?
Signs of an identity crisis may include:
- Constantly questioning who we are – such as in terms of our life purpose, our relationships, our career or our role in society
- Having doubts about our values, beliefs, interests, or spirituality.
- Experiencing a sense of internal conflict or uncertainty
- Feeling directionless, restless or empty
- Searching for more meaning, purpose or motivation in life
- Low self-esteem and negative thoughts about ourselves
When do these constitute a “crisis”? While contemplating our sense of self is normal, if this self-questioning begins to affect our everyday ability to function, we may be experiencing an identity crisis.
An identity crisis can be triggered when we encounter sudden changes or great stressors in life. However, an identity crisis may also emerge gradually over time, as we age or progress through stages of life. Though the term “midlife crisis” is common, an identity crisis can occur to anyone of any age.
The concept of the identity crisis was originally developed by psychologist Erik Erikson to characterise an identity formation phase, usually during teenage years, whereby people experiment with various roles and identities. In Erikson’s theory, an identity crisis is thus a normal, predictable part of healthy development. Other commentators have noted that we may return to questions of identity development at any point in our lives, and always have the capacity to change and grow.
Finding our identity
While there is no straightforward method to “treat” an identity crisis, there are steps we can take to work through it. By getting to know ourselves better and finding healthy ways to adapt to changes, we can strengthen our sense of identity and self.
1. Get to know ourselves better.
We can take some time to look inward and reflect on ourselves. Here are some questions we can start with:
- What qualities and characteristics define me? What is important to me – my values, purpose in life, or other factors?
- If I am experiencing a major life change: How has this change affected me? How do I feel about these changes? How can I cope with them?
- What are my values? Is anything in my life conflicting with them?
- What are my likes and dislikes? What are my interests, passions and hobbies? Am I doing what I like to do? If not, what is preventing me from doing so?
- What grounds me? What helps me and comforts me during difficult times?
- Who am I when I am not being swayed by external pressure and influences?
To facilitate our reflection, we can journal, write lists, create moodboards and use other methods of expressing our thoughts. Doing these things alone can give us a sense of who we are away from the influence of those who usually surround us. Getting to know ourselves is not a one-off activity, but an ongoing long-term process. In this process, we learn to observe whether and how our answers to such questions evolve over time, as well as identify the common and consistent themes that emerge.
2. Learn more about identity in general.
To figure out our own identity, it can be helpful to increase our knowledge about various possible ways of being and living. We can read new books, watch television programmes or even explore other belief systems. We can interact with different people to learn about their lives and experiences. We can then use this newfound knowledge to inform our own identity formation.
3. Seek joy!
What makes us happy? How can we incorporate more of it into our lives? When we are experiencing an identity crisis, we can feel deeply dissatisfied with our lives – which in turn worsens the crisis, resulting in a vicious cycle. Exploring our hobbies and interests can not only alleviate our unhappiness, but also help us to uncover hidden parts of our identity which we may have previously overlooked.
We don’t have to like every aspect of our lives, but we can certainly find ways to feel more fulfilled. For instance, very few of us may have the “perfect” job, but we can find time to indulge in hobbies that bring more enjoyment into our lives. Of course, if our career or lifestyle are making us miserable with no light at the end of the tunnel, it may also be worthwhile to consider chasing a new path that better matches our purpose, passions and personality.
4. Find social support.
Good social support can help us to cope with and overcome big life changes and stressors, which feed identity crises. Social support can come from many sources: family, friends, interest groups, dedicated support groups, and so on. We can turn to others for useful insights on ourselves, advice on our troubles, or just a listening ear or shoulder to cry on.
Conversely, we should try not to fall victim to social norms or judgement from others that can negatively affect our state of mind. Other people’s expectations can colour our self-perception and influence how we feel about our lives. Instead of letting others dictate our identity, a focus on ourselves allows us to understand who we are, what we truly want and how we can realise it in our lives. We thus establish a healthy balance between asserting our individuality and leaning on others for support.
Although identity crises can be difficult and frustrating, they can also be helpful for us in the long term. If we use them as an opportunity to gain a better sense of ourselves, we can learn to embrace life (and all its changes) with a renewed sense of confidence and purpose.
References:
- Cherry, K. (6 November 2023). I Don’t Know Who I Am: What to Do If You Feel This Way. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/i-dont-know-who-i-am-5186886
- Elmer, J. (23 January 2019). What’s an Identity Crisis and Could You Be Having One?. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/identity-crisis
- Psychology Today. (2024). Identity. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/identity
- Raypole, C. (18 June 2020). ‘Who Am I?’ How to Find Your Sense of Self. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/sense-of-self
- Villines, Z. (14 February 2023). What is an identity crisis?. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/identity-crisis
Sarah cares deeply about mental health advocacy, having experienced mental health struggles firsthand. She believes in the transformative power of storytelling, finds hope in everyday acts of kindness and is constantly amazed by the resilience of the human spirit.
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Illustration by Ethan.