By Sarah //
Do you ever feel lonely?
If the answer is yes, you are not alone.
Loneliness and social isolation are growing issues many people are facing – not just in Singapore, but around the world. The Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated this problem, with lockdown, quarantine and work-from-home limiting our ability to connect with others face-to-face. Now, even though the world has moved past the pandemic, these accompanying problems persist.
A Channel News Asia published just last year called loneliness “an overlooked public health challenge” in Singapore. Worldwide, we are experiencing an “epidemic of loneliness”. Even United States Surgeon General Vivek Murthy recently highlighted that loneliness is an “under-appreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health” (Chan et al., 2023).
How can we understand this growing problem?
What is loneliness?
Feelings of loneliness are personal and subjective. While it is easy to conflate the two, you do not have to be alone to feel lonely. It is possible that you enjoy your alone time; at the same time, it is possible to feel lonely even when you are surrounded by loved ones and friends. According to Professor Koh Woon Puay, professor of the NUS Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine’s Healthy Longevity Translational Research Programme, the most socially disconnected individuals in Singapore tend to live with family members (Chin & Tan, 2023).
While loneliness is a natural occurrence that affects people from various backgrounds and at different stages of life, admitting that we are lonely can be uncomfortable for many of us. The emphasis that Singaporean society places on being self-reliant and independent makes it difficult for us to openly acknowledge feelings of loneliness and to reach out for support.
Is loneliness a problem?
Though it is perfectly normal to feel lonely from time to time, persistent feelings of loneliness can spell trouble for our health.
Feeling lonely in itself is not a mental health problem. However, loneliness can negatively affect your mental health and having a mental health problem can feel isolating, creating a vicious cycle. Loneliness can increase stress and be associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and sleep problems.
Chronic loneliness is a term to describe loneliness that is experienced over a long period of time. Chronic loneliness can be associated with symptoms like:
- decreased energy
- feeling foggy or unable to focus
- decreased appetite
- feelings of self-doubt, hopelessness, or worthlessness
- a tendency to get sick frequently
In addition to affecting mental health, loneliness and social isolation may even be linked to increased risk for physical health issues such as chronic illness, high cholesterol, cardiovascular issues, diabetes and dementia. A 2015 study conducted by the Centre for Ageing Research and Education at Duke-NUS Medical School found that being lonely increased an older person’s risk of dying by 7% when controlling for existing health conditions. It also found that people aged 60 to 80 who perceived themselves to be lonely live 2-5 years less on average compared to peers who perceived themselves as not lonely (Chan et al., 2023).
Conversely, social connection can protect our mental and physical health. Social connection provides psychological comfort and increases resilience against stress and trauma. According to Walton (2018), a Harvard study following people for some 80 years found that people with stronger social connections were the healthiest and happiest, and even lived longer!
5 tips for reducing loneliness
Feeling lonely sometimes is completely normal, and it is perfectly alright if you enjoy spending time alone. However, if you are struggling with loneliness and looking for ways to feel less isolated, or just want to forge stronger ties with others, here are some tips for you.
1. Stay in touch with loved ones. Even if you are unable to meet family or friends face-to-face, video calls or messages can help you remember the people you love are still there for you.
2. Volunteer or participate in community events. In addition to contributing to a good cause, such activities are a great way to meet new people in your community.
3. Try a new hobby. Learning something new can give you a sense of fulfilment. It is also easier to make new friends through bonding over shared interests.
4. Focus on developing quality relationships. If you find it exhausting to juggle too many friendships or relationships, it may be a sign for you to prioritise quality over quantity. Seek people who share similar attitudes, interests and values with you. Invest your time and effort in people who are willing to reciprocate.
5. Get comfortable with spending time alone. While this may sound counterintuitive, learning to enjoy some alone time can help you feel less lonely (although this does not mean you should spend all your time alone). You can use the time to do activities you enjoy or just relax. Alone time can also be a good space to understand yourself better. For example, sitting down to write a journal can enable you to process your thoughts and feelings.
At the end of the day, remember that it is okay to take small, doable steps – change does not happen overnight. It can be easy to fall into a spiral of comparing yourself to others and feeling even worse, but feeling lonely is nothing to be ashamed of. Be gentle with yourself and try to focus on what makes you happy.
References:
- Chan, A., Malhotra, R. and Maulod, A. (11 July 2023). Commentary: Loneliness is an overlooked public health challenge in ageing Singapore. Channel News Asia. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/senior-loneliness-mortality-risk-ageing-public-health-crisis-3615171
- Cherry, K. (5 December 2023). Loneliness: Causes and Health Consequences. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749
- Chin, S. F. and Tan, J. (5 December 2023). The problem with being alone: Social isolation, loneliness biggest enemy for seniors in S’pore. The Straits Times. https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/all-the-lonely-people-tackling-social-isolation-among-older-singaporeans
- Mind. (June 2023). Loneliness. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/about-loneliness/
- Raypole, C. (25 June 2019). Is Chronic Loneliness Real?. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/chronic-loneliness
- Walton, A. G. (30 October 2018). 7 Ways Loneliness (And Connectedness) Affect Mental Health. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2018/10/30/7-ways-loneliness-and-connectedness-affect-mental-health/?sh=52e410d7e1dc
Sarah is a 22-year-old university student who cares deeply about mental health advocacy, having experienced mental health struggles firsthand. She believes in the transformative power of storytelling, finds hope in everyday acts of kindness and is constantly amazed by the resilience of the human spirit.
Read more of our Tapestry Stories here.
Illustration by Ethan.