Heavy spoilers ahead.
By Iyan //
I recently had a pretty bad day. My Instagram account got hacked, I got stranded at a library at midnight with rain pouring all around me, the book-drop I was heading to was closed, and I even missed the last bus. To top it off, I stubbed my toe on a wardrobe!
As tough as I usually claim to be, I am only human and as humans do – I break down when I reach my limit. I eventually retreated to the warm embrace of my room and burrowed deep into the covers of my blanket. I clutched my laptop in my hands and desperately browsed for a film, video, article – whatever that would help me take my mind off recent events. And as I scoured through the deep reservoirs of the internet, I stumbled upon an old friend.
It was the 2012 film The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Primary and secondary school me was every bit a workaholic as present-day me, though enveloped in much more stress and anxiety. This makes sense now because younger me didn’t yet have the chance or the maturity to self-reflect. Hence, younger me was continually stressed out while understanding neither the cause of the stress nor how to deal with those stressors.
Enter, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. This very film formed a large part of how younger me eventually learned to deal with the issues that plagued him. Fondly recalling the significance of the film, I decided to give it a re-watch.
WALLFLOWER – A shy person who is frightened to involve themselves in social activities and whom does not usually attract much interest or attention
A brief synopsis of the movie
This 2012 American movie is a coming-of-age drama film adapted from the 1999 novel of the same name.
It follows the life of a teenager (probably why I could relate so hard!), Charlie, as he goes through his freshman year of high school. The film mainly depicts Charlie’s struggles with social interactions as he tries to make friends in his new environment. He eventually succeeds in meeting a group of supportive individuals who help him to feel at ease with himself and experience the “high school experience” he sought for (yay friends!).
However, Charlie commits a faux pas in the midst of a gathering with his friends which causes him to become temporarily ostracized from the group (NO ><). The resultant shock and loneliness from the sudden separation and, unbeknownst to Charlie, his repressed feelings from his traumas, all coalesce; his mental state spirals and Charlie ultimately breaks down (sound familiar?).
He recovers after seeking help at a psychiatric hospital and reconnects with his group of friends. The film ends on a positive note with Charlie finally feeling at peace with himself. In his words, “I feel infinite”.
While the name and summary might suggest that this movie follows the arc of your typical American high school flick, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is, in reality, a considerate and meticulous portrayal of how individuals deal with their mental illness(es).
Main takeaways
A decade ago, The Perks of Being a Wallflower gave me many little insights into mental illnesses and the way individuals cope with them. Most are still relevant today and I’d like to share them below:
- Inclusivity and tolerance are powerful attitudes
The portrayal of the main protagonist Charlie shows how individuals can blossom when they are accepted for who they are, and conversely, how miserable they can be when they are ignored or mistreated.
Aptly described as a “wallflower”, Charlie is shy, introverted and understandably naïve to social cues. He also suffers from various types of mental illnesses, some of which send him into bouts of depression or induce hallucinations.
These effects are at their worst when Charlie is alone or has recently gone through a bad time – mostly when people pick on him for his “weird” quirks.
On the contrary, the effects of the mental illnesses are kept at bay when people start accepting Charlie for who he is. These “people” consist of his family, teacher and friends, who encourage Charlie to embrace his true self by providing a safe and comfortable environment for him.
It is important to be kind to others and to yourself. Then, you will start to realise how much easier and warmer life can feel.
- “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Another main character, Sam, struggles with self-confidence and self-love. She sleeps around with men of poor character because, as the quote goes, she only “accepts the love (she) thinks (she) deserves”. She does not think well of herself and hence she does not dare to dream of more.
Her actions cause her to hold back from achieving her dreams or to pursue what she likes. Instead, she lounges around and wallows in self-pity when things don’t work out.
I think many people suffer from this lack of self-love and poor valuation of our self-worth in today’s society, in part due to the deleterious effects of social media.
Remember: don’t put yourself down and don’t settle for less because you are definitely worth it.
- Sometimes, sharing a problem helps.
Many of the characters in the film don’t share their problems because they feel ashamed of them. What I learned is that no matter how major or minor your problems are, they are problems nonetheless and you are justified in worrying about them and worrying about how to tackle them.
There are people who will help you with your struggles, but only if you choose to open up to them. Sometimes sharing your problems with another person (expert or otherwise) can provide relief, even if there is no solution offered.
We are all susceptible to pain and weakness; no human is invincible. There is no need to feel ashamed. Chin up and face your problems head on. It will get better.
- Celebrate the small pleasures in life.
A recurring theme in the film is the idea of “infinity”.
When Charlie says he “feels infinite”, he is expressing his joy and intense relief at the experience of being free of constraints, just as how there are no actual limits in an infinite number. Sometimes it is good to let loose a little and go easy on yourself because there are so many things to cherish – from hanging out with friends to eating good food – and learn to be grateful even for what you may have missed out on or forgotten. Every fleeting moment can potentially be ‘stretched out’ to infinity when we appreciate it.
- It’s okay to cry.
The plot of the movie follows Charlie’s reluctance to admit his traumatic experiences. It is only when Charlie chooses to face his trauma head on that he finally breaks down. At the same time however, breaking down also allows him to slowly build himself back up since the remorse and pain eating away at him have all been released.
Crying doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It means that you acknowledge that you have been hurt. Only when you have accepted your pain can you start to move on.
- It’s scary but sometimes we need to put ourselves out there.
Even though Charlie is a “wallflower”, he put himself out there. He had fun, he got hurt, he cried and he laughed. In the end, as a person, he grew.
There might be people who look down on us, jeer at us or we might be afraid of embarrassing ourselves. But that’s part and parcel of growing up. The main point is to not be afraid to experience because that is how you grow, learn and live. Who knows? Maybe we’re much better than we think we are. 😉
- Don’t let the past define your future.
So what if you’ve messed up or failed? It just means your previous method didn’t work. Try again until it works. No one said that you have to get things right on the first try.
Final thoughts
This has been a very long thought piece but if any movie deserved such rumination from me, it would be this movie.
Watch (or re-watch) the The Perks of Being a Wallflower for yourself. Perhaps you might glean even more than I did. In the process, dare to probe into what you think you are. Let us know how you feel about the movie in the comments!
Image credit: The Perks of Being a Wallflower. (n.d.). Retrieved April 30, 2022, from https://www.facebook.com/WallflowerMovie/