By: Sofia //
Resilience. What does that word mean to me? I feel quite emotional at the thought of the word, and I am sure many others can relate, especially those who have endured many challenges and come out stronger than before. I’ve been told I was resilient in many ways, and I think it is good to reflect on what exactly the word means to me.
I had a radical realization I was resilient when a beloved teacher of mine mentioned it in a conversation with her. I remember having a really hard day prior to this, and needed a reminder that I had qualities inside of me that still shone. I texted her and asked her to tell me some things she thought was special about me. I knew she wanted to give me an honest and genuine response, so she told me to give her a day. The next day she came back with her response. I remember sitting in the canteen catching up with her for more than an hour and a half, and we talked about various things; but she eventually said “I think you’re really resilient, show gratitude sincerely, and you try very hard.” Out of those three things, the way she described my resiliency really stood out to me. I could not quite see it in myself just yet, due to being very self-critical, but from that point onwards I slowly started to appreciate that quality in me. She backed up her points with evidence, and it really gave me a chance to reflect on how far I had really come in my mental health journey. Sometimes due to the chaotic nature of recovery, we forget how much we have overcome. Having reminders from an external point of view can be helpful for us to start believing it within ourselves too.
Being resilient, according to the American Psychology Association, “is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences.” For anyone facing mental health challenges, I believe this word can resonate deeply with all of us.
Pondering deeply about what resilience actually is, I’ve come to the conclusion that resilience is like a muscle. The more you train it, the more it will grow.
From my own experience, this process of growth has never come easily. It’s taken a while for it to develop, and it certainly did not happen overnight. I’ve overcome various mental health challenges of my own and through leaning on others for support. I strongly encourage reaching out to others when needed; however the greatest strength really does come from within.
One instance I learned resilience was when I was learning to reframe my negative thoughts. Most therapists teach us a way of cognitively reframing our thoughts, known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This method of therapy helps clients to understand their unhelpful thinking patterns and cognitive distortions, and to learn a more helpful way of thinking. For me, this modality of therapy did not seem to help, even after a long time, and despite my psychologist seeing potential for me in it. I was frustrated, and I just wanted to give up. However, after a discussion with my psychologist, we came to the conclusion that the problem I was facing was consistency. CBT is not a therapy technique that works overnight, and it takes a lot of diligence, thinking, reflecting and reviewing. I was not following my reflective homework given in my sessions. So my psychologist and I set a goal, and I took the brave step of spending about five to ten minutes tackling one thought a day. I did this for one month, and there were still days where I felt I didn’t believe in the reframing of the unhelpful thought that I had done. However, with my psychologist’s support, after one month, when I looked back and saw all the work I had done, I felt really at ease. It truly felt like an accomplishment. Our minds are fascinating, and without thinking about the thought I found I could reframe on my own without writing it down. Of course I had weekly reviews with my psychologist, but ultimately my persistence really showed through.
To me, resilience is not just overcoming a challenge or obstacle. Taking concrete action is also important. I found this in my experience of folding paper cranes in my school’s counselling room, which I’ve described in a previous story.
It takes patience and time to develop such habits. Yet I want to be able to redefine the word “resilience” because I want all of us to know that we have resilience sewn deep within us. Sometimes it is hard to see it, but we all have different stories, and different paths, and maybe we just need to start doing something for the resilience to emerge.
Ultimately, we are all human. Sometimes there are times where our resilience diminishes. It is hard, but the first step is to be self-aware and recognize that we may not have all the necessary strength inside of us. Sometimes we feel like giving up, and we might feel powerless. We don’t need to tell ourselves that we can get through our struggles all the time. This may help to a small extent, but it’s maybe better to take action and ownership of our difficulties. The smallest action matters. I was once been advised by my teacher that whenever I felt low, I should just do anything: organize something in my room, fidget with something, or – even better – go for a walk. Being able to disrupt that negative spiral of thoughts is also a sign of resilience.
So in conclusion, I really think that “resilience” is a powerful word that can be defined in many ways. It is like a muscle, slowly developed over time. It means taking small but significant steps to improve one’s mental state. Not every challenge needs to be overcome in order to develop resilience. Small changes matter too, and they add up in the end. What does resilience mean to you?
Reference:
- American Psychological Association (19 April 2018). Resilience. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/resilience.
Sofia is an 18-year-old student. She loves learning about other people’s stories and increasing awareness about mental health. This is currently her fourth article written for The Tapestry Project. Sofia hopes to contribute to a more empathetic society that supports people with mental health conditions.
Read more of our Tapestry Stories here.
Image Credit: Sofia