By Alvin Chew //
Since young, I was quite academically inclined. I did well for both my ‘O’ Levels and ‘A’ Levels. My good results in the 1987 ‘A’ Levels earned me the Public Service Commission (PSC) scholarship to read Mathematics and Physics in NUS. I was supposed to become a teacher.
However, during my 1st year in NUS in 1990, my results were not good, and I had to retake a Mathematics exam after failing it the first time. I cleared it and was promoted to the second year, but PSC issued me a reminder letter, asking me to improve on subsequent exams. Although the letter was a gentle and encouraging one, I felt heavily burdened. For my second-year exams, I put myself under intense pressure to do well, and although I passed all of them, the stress and fear somehow did eat into my well-being. As a result, I had my very first episode during my semester break, prior to the start of my third year.
I became overly suspicious of my friends and people around me. I would view a man in a picture, and think he was alive and staring angrily at me. I had delusions and started imagining things that were not true, like people were coughing at me, and wanting to harm me.
I was hospitalized and diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia. I was also administered electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). I was first given anaesthesia, and the physician would pass a measured electric current through my brain, so as to calm my brain. My parents chose to put me in Adam Road Hospital, instead of Woodbridge hospital (the current IMH), because the latter carried a very strong stigma at that time.
When I was finally discharged after a few weeks in hospital, my mental capacity could no longer take on my academic obligations, and I had to stop my university studies. At this lowest point in time, I had to pick myself up and continue with life.
I told myself that it wasn’t the end of the world, that I still can fall back on my GCE “A” levels and look for a simpler job, maybe a clerical job. My salary may not be as good as my fellow peers who are CEOs, doctor surgeons, and lawyer, but in Singapore, as long as I am willing to work, with a basic mediocre salary, I can still be thrifty and frugal, and save up money for the future.
From that point onwards, I was on constant medication and visited the psychiatrist on a very regular basis, about once every 4 weeks. With good family support, I started living my life.
I found my first job as a store receiving clerk, and numerous other simple jobs in my working life. I was mostly working in the administrative vocation, and later in the call-centre industry, mostly manning the telephone. During my stable employment in a call-centre company, I got to know a Christian girl, Susan, through a Christian Singles Organization. Before we went steady, I brought her to see my psychiatrist so as to be honest about my then “recovered and stable” mental condition. This Christian girl accepted me, mainly because I was financially prudent and in stable employment. My psychiatric condition was well under control, due to my very faithful and regular medication. Most importantly, we both trusted God.
Today, Susan is my beloved wife, and we will be celebrating our 19th anniversary on 1st December 2020. God has kept us in good health and well all these years. In fact, we are also financially blessed, and acquired the “Accredited Investor” status. We first achieved financial independence back in year 2011, where monthly passive income first exceeded monthly household expenses. And later in year 2013, I went into complete retirement.
As per today this year 2020, at 51 years young, I am already 7 years into full retirement, doing activities that I love, and both Susan and myself are presently enjoying our fulfilling golden years, with many, many more wonderful years ahead of us. Recovery is possible!
Alvin Chew is a passionate mental health advocate and volunteers with community mental health agencies in Singapore. He aspires to use his life story to inspire hope amongst those that struggle.
Image Credit: Dreamstime
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