By Rachel //
Mother Earth has completed yet another round around the sun, rolling in the waves of 2022 along Earth’s shore. The year 2022 tastes foreign against the roof of my mouth, the repetition of ‘two’s’ a stark contrast to the enunciation of the year 2021, which most of us have only just gotten accustomed to. Indeed, time’s arrow waits for no man and simply marches forward, whether one is ready for the new year or not.
For many, the new year brings about the connotation of new beginnings, a fresh leaf for us hungry caterpillars to munch on. People begin posting their new year’s resolutions on social media, prompting a wildfire of Instagram stories and posts that sparks the annual conundrum of coming up with these resolutions in the first place.
I, of course, am inspired to do the same. Like any other aspirational youth, my ambition and drive give rise to a desire to soar to greater heights in the new year. 2022 is no longer in the future, but a reality. Yet, as I contemplate the resolutions that I want to bring to life this year, I can’t help but reflect on 2021, an essential year of my life that I admittedly credit for bringing me to where I am today. While a treacherous test to my mental health, it was as fulfilling as it could be and I leave it behind with no regrets.
I had my fair share of highs and lows in 2021. Needless to say, it was not the best year for my mental health. Due to excruciating life events such as my struggle with academics and relationship problems, there were many an instance where my mental health suffered greatly. My most memorable low was in August where I had a depressive episode that cost me two weeks of school. I remember the fog of depression and how it clouded my ability to think straight, and the loneliness and numbness that consumed me. Those two weeks are hazy in my mind, but I distinctly remember only being able to stare at the ceiling while lying in bed. It did not help that my national examinations were a mere two months away, causing the pressure and stress to skyrocket as I laid in bed, unable to leave it except to attend to daily necessities.
However, 2021 was also an immensely fulfilling year. While I lost people in my life, I made new friends and reconnected with people, teaching me who would stay by my side despite the unpredictability of my mood.
// I learnt the value of courage as I finally decided to stand up for myself and leave the past behind, cutting off ties with those who were not healthy for me. I began to heal from incidents that had caused me so much hurt and let go of them after their presence in my mind had overstayed its welcome. //
I stepped up to fill leadership positions, something that my past self would not have dared to do. I grasped every opportunity that I could reach and gleaned valuable insights in the process.
***
As I reflect on my 2021, I can’t help but smile at my growth. The depressive episodes were never going to go away, but I am in a much better position to handle them now. This thought led me back to the conundrum at hand: What were my 2022 resolutions going to be? The popular phrase ‘new year, new me’ gets thrown around a lot during the first week of the new year, where many evaluate themselves and try to shed the ghosts of the past in order to improve, in essence becoming a ‘new’ person. I too went by that motto. However, this year, I challenged myself to reimagine the meaning of this phrase.
I have come to accept that perfection is not an achievable goal and that it is our imperfections that make us special. That is not to say that we shouldn’t improve and reflect on our lives from time to time. I believe that ‘new year, new me’ does not ask for the complete reinvention of our characters but rather, asks of us to keep the past in mind as we strive to be the best person we can be. After all, our past mistakes and successes shape us into who we currently are. I hope to remember that my best is enough, even if I don’t end up fulfilling my new year’s resolutions.
Make as many or as little resolutions as you please. Ultimately, I believe that it doesn’t matter if these resolutions are completed by the end of 2022. These expectations of yourself are not law but are in reality loose guidelines. Your anxiety that is centered around setting these expectations for yourself are valid. The new year is full of uncertainty and fear and it is easy to be overwhelmed with the stress of improving yourself. Thus, I gently compel you to simply try your best for it is more than enough.
Wishing all a happy new year!
Rachel is a 19-year-old who is deeply passionate about mental health advocacy. Besides writing, she dabbles in photography and enjoys curling up in bed with a book.
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