By JayX //
I prefer to identify myself as “JayX”, and this is my story. I am a 25-year-old male Singaporean who grew up in an average five-member household. Though my father is the sole breadwinner, we still manage to make ends meet. Life hasn’t always been optimal, but still, I can vaguely recall what genuine joy felt like in my childhood. Until Darkness, huge and hulking, came into the picture, and disrupted my tranquillity.
Hello Darkness. You crept into my life unknowingly and changed my life. There were no prior warning signs, and you just invaded my life. You consumed me entirely and fed me with false accusations about myself. You deprived me of the right to live my life. You engulfed me and brought me into a realm of despair and anguish. I no longer knew the bearings and purpose of my life.
As ironic as it may sound, even though you are the one who induced these sufferings to me, yet you are the only friend that genuinely knows me. You are aware of all my thoughts, feelings, and insecurities. Regardless of how adept I am at concealing my true self to others, I can never disguise myself in front of you.
It all started when I was a kid. I began to develop my earliest “anger thoughts” after all the perennial caning from my parents. Although the caning ceased when I reached adolescence, those tormenting memories continue to linger. To this day, I am still fearful of my father due to his fiery temperament.
I used to have many friends when I was in elementary school. It wasn’t until I grew older and began to realise that the voices in my head started to grow more deafening every day. They utter words in my head, telling me that I am not worthy enough to be alive. They make snarky remarks to me whenever I step onto the weighing scale. They constantly remind me that I am not good enough despite my accomplishments over the years. They chastise me for my mistakes and remind me of how far I am from reaching my goals. Even as I am typing these words right now, I can faintly hear the voices commanding me to ascertain the authenticity of the facts I am presenting here.
//The struggle is real yet subtle. However, the truth is, we do not need to suffer in silence at all.//
Life can get so hectic, and people so immersed in work or study, at times that we overlook a particularly important aspect of our lives: our mental well-being.
The stigma towards mental disorders is a concerning issue. In retrospect, most of us have been slogging our guts out to impress everybody around us, attempting to fulfil the unattainable expectations set by our society.
They say men have to be masculine and women are atrocious drivers. Our community tends to inculcate an unwavering belief in its people that suffering from mental disorders is shameful and humiliating. Nonetheless, I’m going out on a limb and assert that living through mental disorders is nothing disgraceful.
In hindsight, I realised that I have been living with depression and anxiety for at least a decade. They are my only soulmates-cum-friends. Eventually, I took a leap of faith and sought help at the Institute Of Mental Health (IMH), probably one of the best decisions that I have ever made. Without someone to turn to for advice, making a decision can be hazardous. . Consulting a psychiatrist will allow your voice to be heard by a qualified professional.
When you decide to open your heart to someone trustworthy, you can finally gain a sense of closure.
//Seeking help is not an indication of weakness. On the contrary, taking the first step to reach out for help is a sign of strength, showing that you are willing to accept your imperfections.//
Your mental health is just as serious as any other chronic diseases. It is advisable to seek help promptly to avoid any further complications. When you choose to take the first step to seek help, you are making an enormous stride towards recovery.
JayX is simply an ordinary individual who is striving to recover from mental disorders like any other person. He has been battling with mental illness for over a decade long now. He believes that everybody has untold stories; fighting demons that nobody else can see.
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