By Thomas K. //
The first ever emotion I remember at four was fear. I came from a dysfunctional family, and my father was physically abusive since I was young. I was unable to attend school regularly due to daily beatings. Even if I did go to school, I had no pocket money or school fees, and constantly worried what my teachers and classmates would think of me.
I realised going to school was not helping me to prepare me for life. I felt trapped and perpetually fearful. I particularly resented the fact that I was too young to leave the house. I started my first job as a newspaper boy and earned my first salary of $80 with one month of sweat and sleeplessness. I then realised the power money had to change my life.
When I tasted drugs at 15 for the first time, I instantly knew it was what I had been missing out all my life. Using drugs gave me a sense of power I never had before, and I felt that I could work harder and sleep less than before. Gradually, drugs turned into my “best friend”.
My dependence on drugs went on even after I was married, which put a lot of stress on my marriage. After some struggle, my wife at the time left me. That was one of the lowest points of my life – I thought it was the end for me and considered suicide. Finally, I did attempt suicide, but somehow, a higher power preserved my life.
Just when I believed that no one could help me, a group of peers brought me to a support group. Through their unwavering support, I managed to break my addiction and quit taking drugs. I decided to turn over a new leaf and start again.
I am now working at the National Addiction Management Service, the place that kickstarted my recovery. Coming to work in the morning gives me a special sense of gratitude. Another source of happiness comes from the fact that I am happily married with a partner that understands the struggles I have been through. In spite of many medical issues arising from many years of abusing my body, I am a proud father of a 32-month-old toddler.
Living life one day at a time, and taking daily inventories, checking in with myself, has become a way of maintaining my personal recovery. As long as I continue to do all these steps. I am quite sure I won’t be going back to drugs.
The human spirit is a lot stronger than I initially thought, and if nurtured, can provide immense hope and resilience. I have learnt that we are not defined by our mental health conditions or our addictions, but by the strength of our character to overcome these challenges.
At the same time, I realise that I am extremely lucky to have come this far in my life still whole and happy. Now, I try to live my life by this quote: “I used to cry because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet”. I am truly grateful for all the opportunities I have had in my life that have led me to this day. As a person in recovery, I will continue to pass on what I have learnt to others and help them in their recovery as well.
Thomas K. is a Peer Support Specialist who journeys with fellow peers in recovery with the National Addictions Management Service.
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Photo by Josh Willink from Pexels