With Adelyn Lee //
Mental wellbeing need not be a solemn and stressful affair. For Adelyn, founder of Pandora Box Play Therapy, it was through play that she was able to process painful childhood memories and develop personal resilience. She candidly shares more of her personal story in our exclusive Tapestry interview and explains what play therapy is all about.
What is play therapy about, who is it for, and what can one expect out of it?
Play therapy offers children and adults a safe and accepting place for them to explore and strengthen their inner self using play.
What are some of the goals of play therapy and how does play therapy relate to mental wellbeing?
Play therapy helps us to learn how to express ourselves better; to accept, acknowledge and embrace our emotions; increase our self-esteem and self-confidence; and build stronger self-awareness and resilience in finding our own ways to cope with difficult times.
What is your personal story with play therapy? What made you pursue this practice, how has it impacted you on a personal level?
“I did not have a happy childhood, but I have a happy adulthood.” That’s a phrase I love to use.
I grew up in an unhealthy environment resulting in many unhealthy relationships in my life. From young, I had nobody to help me or guide me. I needed to face many difficult moments on my own. How did I cope? I coped by suppressing all my negative feelings—chucked them aside and locked them up. To others, I was a happy-go-lucky girl who was always so cheerful and smiling. I always told myself, no matter what happens, life goes on. So how did I want to live my life? It’s my choice and I would bear the consequences, good or bad. The grief from losing all my love ones, the heartbreaking pain from abandonment, the anger from unfairness and injustice in life, and the fear of not being understood were all not being processed.
I wondered how I could be so happy-go-lucky everyday when I had experienced so much during my childhood. I later realised that it was because I couldn’t remember many things from my childhood. This blocking of painful memories also affected my personality, career, and relationships as I grew up.
I was worried that one day, if I were triggered and all the negative emotions came visiting at once, I would not know how to cope. There was a high chance that I could go into depression or be suicidal. I decided to take a year off to search for my passion in 2013. As I was searching for some courses, I found play therapy. I was deprived from play during my childhood thus the word “play” seemed appealing to me and I wanted to know how play could help me.
During my play therapy course, I realised that I had avoidant attachment and the way I coped from young was unhealthy. I decided to take up play therapy as a client. My partner asked me: “Why do you want to go back to the painful past as it’s already over?”
But play therapy is not about bringing me back to revisit the past; it is about helping me strengthen my inner self and learn how to cope with my emotions if one fine day I’m triggered.
My therapist asked me, “As you tend to avoid things, how do I make you come for my session regularly, does making advance payment help?” The answer was “No, if I really don’t want to do it, I will not turn up despite having paid a huge amount of money.” But I knew I wanted to do it. After several sessions, I began to dive deeper into my unconscious mind as I felt safe with my therapist; I knew that she won’t let me drown. My partner told me that I have “grown up” so much, describing my personal growth when I completed my sessions.
If I hadn’t taken that one step out to seek help, I would not be who I am today. I might still be the little girl who just wanted to deal with my life a day at a time, no goals, not knowing what I wanted and continue to avoid challenges. If we avoid our negative feelings, it will only bounce back stronger. We need to learn to accept, acknowledge and embrace them; they will come visit, say hi and leave without creating any chaos. Play therapy has helped me to help myself thus I want to empower more people (children or adults) to help themselves through play.
Do you have any anecdotes of how play therapy has helped someone you know?
I have a four-year-old boy who is afraid of the toilet bowl. In his sand play, he puts a Hulk figurine onto the toilet bowl and laughs at it. For several sessions, he played out similar scenarios in his sand play. After that, he stopped playing it out. Mum shared that he’s now able to use the toilet bowl. Playing out his fears in the play room helps him to overcome his fear with the toilet bowl. We will not know what causes him the fear; if we knew the reason behind that behaviour, that would be great but remember, we are not revisiting the past to find out why. The child learns how to cope with his fear and overcome it through play.
What is the referral process like if anyone needs to engage a play therapist? What should a good play therapist be like?
There’s no good or bad play therapist; most important is how safe you feel when you are with them. We usually arrange an assessment session first; through that, you can decide whether play therapy or the play therapist suits you.
Trust is important in any therapeutic relationship.
Adelyn Lee is an accredited play therapist and founder of Pandora Box Play Therapy. She is also the co-founder of Play Alliance and board member of the International Women Federation of Commerce and Industry Singapore
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